The Life of Hermione Granger
by Alyiousa
Summary: It isn't all it's cracked up to be.


**Disclaimer:** Nothing you recognise is mine. And that makes Kiss cry  
**Summary:** A brief glimpse into the life of the female third of the famous trio.  
**A/N:** This totally disregards any form of canon concerning Hermione and Ron getting together as I hate that ship and have thus struck it from my memory

Let me tell you straight off my life is no picnic. Sure I have the best friends in the world, I love my family and I adore my job, but being one third of the trio that defeated the Darkest Wizard of all time isn't as fun as it is cracked up to be.

Imagine this. It's 7am. You have just got up for work and are brewing the first cup of coffee of the day, which you, naturally, spill all down yourself. You then decide to have a healthy breakfast and pick up an apple from the fruit bowl, as you bite into it you see half a maggot. Yes half a maggot. I will pause briefly to let the full implications of this sink in.

So, disgusted and feeling faintly nauseous, you throw the apple in the direction of the bin, only for it to topple over and fall on the floor as the bin hasn't been emptied in so long it is evolving into an intelligent life form. Obviously, you do not have your wand on you and rather then traipse all the way back upstairs, you decide to just throw it out the Muggle way.

Doesn't sound excessively bad right?

Until that is, you open the front door with coffee all down your crumpled night shirt, your hair looking like you haven't brushed it in a week and a full bin liner or rubbish and are greeted with the flashing of what seems like a thousand light bulbs as apparently throwing out the rubbish is now 

front page news. As you go back inside you can only imagine at the dreadful pictures and accompanying hyperbole headlines that will accompany it tomorrow.

_Hermione Granger, her night of binge drinking_

_Hermione Granger, distraught at end of latest failed relationship_

You get the idea.

And it also brings me nicely along to the next issue with my life.

Relationships.

They are hard enough at the best of times. When should you call?? Is three days too soon?? Does seven seem like you are not interested?

Now add two best friends who are the most powerful Aurors in Britain; were two thirds of the reason Voldemort is now defeated and whose sole purpose in life is to make sure I remain single. I mean, it's hard to find a guy anyway who isn't intimidated by the fact that I am smarter to them, or what I am famous for, without having those two intent on destroying every relationship I _do_ manage to find myself in.

Every guy I introduce them to is scared away. Tactics include, but are not limited to:

Regaling them with highly exaggerated accounts of the pain and torture they inflict upon those who cross them or their friends.  


Informing them of all the Dark Curses and Hexes they now know and the damage they will cause. In graphic detail.  
Asking them if they know of a wizard called "Adam Chambers" then respond when the answer is negative with "Yeah, it's almost scary how you can make someone just...disappear". This is normally accompanied with a pointed look.  
Interrogating them with questions as to their jobs, family, past relationships and whether or not their House Elf is paid.

Speaking of House Elves, even Kreacher is in on it! Making sure to walk past the guy every few minutes or so muttering darkly under his breath about nobody touching "Miss Hermione", giving him dirty looks and generally scaring the hell out of whatever piece of sanity and common sense Harry and Ron have left behind.

I know they only do it because they care and sometimes it is useful...Adam was actually a real prat, but that isn't the point! They should be like any other friends! Let me date, let me get hurt, then go beat the crap out of 'em while I stay home and gorge myself on ice cream and listen to depressing love songs!

And then obviously, there is the pointed fingers while you are out shopping, the whispers, the people asking you for your autograph when you have a mouth full of food. I get that people are fond of us, I get that you know, we stopped them being murdered and living the rest of their days in fear, but come on! I just want to eat my pasta without having a piece of parchment and a quill shoved under my face and having to chew quickly like a demented Hippogriff while trying to smile warmly and pretend that "no of course it isn't a bother, of course I'd love to have my lunch interrupted and have to sign a thousand autographs until my fingers cramp".

And do not even get me _started_ on living with Harry and Ron. Their personal hygiene is questionable at best...


End file.
